Supermom, I think not

A good friend of mine recently called me “supermom” in a text message conversation. She lives in NY still and I’m in NH now. It’s a treasured, longtime friendship and we know each other well. However when she compliments me with such a grandiose title, I can’t help but shake my head. Supermom! Me? I think not.

I’m in my early thirties. I’m married with a toddler and a second child on the way. At this stage in my life my primary role is stay-at-home-mom. I write stories when I can and have successfully published two urban fantasy novels so far. I also work part time at a local hospital. Wearing these three hats isn’t easy by any means. Yet it isn’t unbearably hard either. Why? Because each role was a conscious choice about what’s best for me and my family.

I love being a mom, and the best fit for my family is for me to be the stay at home parent. I love writing, and I can only do it part time given the other demands on my time. I like having my own income, and I’m grateful to have a part time job with flexible hours that can offset the cost of starting a writing career.

Day to day, my energy level and motivation ebbs and flows. Some days, I’m actively out and about attending appointments, completing errands and enjoying my daugther’s playdates. Other days are pajama days when I stay home and relax. Some days are fun or busy. Other days are boring or stressful. Some days, I may not cook dinner, complete any house chores or step foot outside my house. Hey, it happens.

So while person A might think that person B has it all figured out, it most likely doesn’t feel that way to person B. As they say, the grass is always greener on the other side. It’s about perspective. It’s about best fit. It’s about what works for you. One person’s paradise will not suit the next person. So try not to envy, idealize or glorify the life of another person. I know that’s hard to do with the highly cultivated (highly edited) lives we all share with other on special occasions and on social media.

I try to live my best life. I try to change the things I don’t like about my self and world. And I do my best to ensure that each day is a good day for my daughter, filled with laughter and play. That makes me a mom, the kind of mom I want to be. But supermom? I think not.

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What type of parent are you? Working full time and wishing you had more family time? A stay-at-home parent and wishing you had a life outside the home?

Have you ever idealized another person’s life until you got a closer look?